Gus

from Non-Sequitur by Slow Robot

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Prompt:

"One about Gus"

Some background on this one...Gus is a fictional character my sister created who we fictionally send to help out with random things. He's fictional, so he can do anything, and thus he does everything. Fictionally. From picking up dry-cleaning, to power washing the porch, to carrying out the perfect hit, Gus (a fictional character) is always there when we fictionally need him. Thanks, Gus!

Oh, and he doesn't like pets very much, but he's working on that.

lyrics

He is a nervous wreck
He is a princess
He is a prince
He is a queen and a king
He is everything
That you need in a man
With dirty hands

Neuroticism is a benefit for men like Gus
Deliver flowers for you, then he's gotta catch a bus

Oh, Gus is here
He'll take care of
All your chores and
Pet your ugly doggie too

He is what you need
He is there when you need
On vacation? he'll feed
Your stupid cat
He is good with your plants
He never had a father
On vacation? he'll give
Your plants some water

Cause Gus is the man
With the dirtiest hands
He's got all the right tools
To dispose of the fools
You need some wetwork done?
Forget Seal Team 6,
Cause he's number one

Oh, Gus is here
He'll take care of
All your chores and
Pet your dog

Ooh.

He is a nervous wreck
He is a princess
He is a prince
He is a queen and a king
He is everything
That you need in a man
With dirty hands

Took out the pilot, now someone's gotta land the plane
Yeah, he'll dust your floors, but then he's gotta catch a train

Oh, Gus is here
He'll take care of
All your chores and
Pet that ugly dog of yours

credits

from Non-Sequitur, released March 1, 2023

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